Thursday, July 30, 2009

St. Joseph-- Sell My House!

As a "recovering Catholic" and the great-grand-niece of a nun, I thought it only appropriate that I follow an ancient Catholic ritual (since at least 1950) and beseech St. Joseph to help me in selling my house. I'm sure this ritual isn't sanctioned by the Pope and its probably one that the local priest would roll his eyes at and try to lure me into the confessional booth for absolution from worshiping false gods and engaging in pagan rituals. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned....its been oh....25 years since my last confession. You got a minute? This could be a lonnnnnnng day."

If you're not familiar with the Catholic religion then you may not be aware that the Catholics have patron saints for just about every cause, occupation, illness and wishes you can think of. Headache? Hairstylist? Accountant? Hoarse Voice? Stubbed toe? Yep, they got you covered. You can get little medals of the patron saints and wear them or carry them in your pocket. St. Joseph happens to be the patron saint of the home among other things.

Apparently, if you want your house to sell fast, you're to bury a statue of St. Joseph in your yard upside down on his head, and voila! Your house will sell fast! Then you are to dig the little guy up and bring him with you to your next home where you offer him a place of honor in thanks for the quick sale. Perhaps all of the blood is rushing to his head so he's anxious to get the heck out of the ground and onto your mantle and that is why the house sells. Whatever the reason, I don't mind making the poor Saint suffer a bit. After all, saints are well versed in martyrdom.

Lucky for me, the Catholic supply store has a handy little kit you can buy complete with the statue and prayer for intercession and detailed burial directions. These Catholics, they think of everything.

Also, being the good little fallen Catholic that I am, I decided to cover all bases and visit the New Age store to see what they might have to offer in the way of pagan rituals for a quick home sale. Unfortunately, and rather ironically, they didn't have a handy kit like the Catholics but I did pick up a few candles and some sage sticks and incense.

Hmmm...I wonder if there's a Muslim supply store around here, then perhaps I'll look for the Hindi supply and ohh, why not beseach the Buddha too. Can someone point the way to Mecca please?

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